Preparing to Let Go

I've spent the last few weeks doing what many mothers do before graduation...sorting through pictures and memorabilia of their child. Having pictures to display at a graduation party adds a nice personal touch to the celebration. I always enjoy looking at the photographs and memories that families have set out to display.

It's fun to see friends laughing at old pictures of themselves and re-living memories from middle school, the elementary years, and even preschool. Having photos displayed on boards gives the guests a chance to see an overview of the graduate's growing-up years. It's neat to see the chubby toddler and baby grins, which are later replaced by the first self conscious school picture smiles.  Later the pictures feature more toothless grins and the lopsided, permanent-teeth-are-too-big-for-their-face-years. By middle school, the pictures show a sweet kind of awkwardness as their budding fashion sense is revealed. The high school pictures give visitors a chance to see photos from many high school activities as well as a glimpse of the future adult that is evolving.

As I poured over baby pictures of Ben, I remembered what an easy going infant he was. He grew into a shy toddler who never wanted to be away from my side. I remember him chasing me down the hall after I'd dropped him off at preschool asking for "one mo hug and kiss! " As I held some pictures in my hand, I could almost hear his little voice as he often whispered in my ear, "Yo my best friend, mommy."

While I continued sorting, it became clear to me that I needed to do a whole picture board of baseball photos.  It was a central part of his childhood and his primary passion for many years. I truly believe we watched that child grow up from behind chain link fence. It was so much fun to locate pictures from the t-shirt league and contrast them with the high school action shots. I remembered all the miles we traveled to tournaments and the time we spent on bleachers and dugouts. Ben's biggest joys and defining moments of maturity happened on the ball field and we were so privileged to be a part of it.

Now that the boards are done and it's nearly time for his graduation celebration, I realize that it doesn't matter a bit if anyone looks at these pictures tomorrow. The reason for putting them together has nothing to do with party guests and everything to do with me. My child is about to make a huge life transition and will leave for college. It's also a life transition for me and part of it requires me to relive the memories of where he's been, so we can celebrate with him as he moves on in his life. I am preparing to let go.

My Own Little Easter Celebration

I celebrated easter yesterday, but not in the way a person might expect. This event didn't require dressing up, preparing or eating food, or getting together with loved ones. I celebrated in grungy clothes, sunglasses and work gloves. I look forward to this, and if the weather cooperates, easter weekend seems the most meaningful time to do it.

Yesterday afternoon I spent a couple hours cleaning up the yard from the mess of winter. It has looked so dreary and lifeless for months. Layers of soggy leaves have clustered around the bare branches of everything that used to grow here. Dry, dead stems stuck up in the air like grave markers from the sedums, and the remains of last year's day lilies lay matted to the ground. The memory of last year's blooms and foliage is pretty dim in my mind, but, clinging to the promise of new life, I grabbed my trimmers and trash bag and got to work.

As I trimmed away last year's dead growth, the dreariness turned to hope as soon as I saw the little green shoots hiding under that gloomy cover of dead stuff. I marveled at the tiny green green plants that have pushed their way up to greet a new season of life.

I spend a lot of time praying when I do yard work, not fancy sounding prayers...just talking to God and thanking Him for where He is at work around me. I love the way there is no tv noise in the background, and no phones ringing to distract me. Seeing what He does in nature to bring new life in the spring truly amazes me. How he designed perennials to grow is a beautiful mystery that I can hardly get my little brain around. Magnifying that a million times, I still won't be able to comprehend the love He had for us to send Jesus to the cross and endure what He did. 

After my time in the yard yesterday, my back is stiff from bending and reaching, and my mind is overloaded with wonder at how death doesn't have to be the end. I'm headed to church this morning ready to celebrate another way. Hopefully without lingering bits of dirt under my fingernails, but a renewed sense of wonder and hope for new life.

A Sign of Our Times

The notice arrived in the mail. In this economy it's the news every employee dreads. We hear of layoffs and pray that our loved ones' jobs will be secure. We hope that the effects of the recession will not have dramatic effects on our lives. Unfortunately, a member of our family has received the dreaded pink slip, but it was the last one I would have expected.

Sam was layed-off from his job as a paperboy. It appears that our local paper is downsizing it's number of editions per week, and will be using other sources to deliver for their scaled-down operations.

He was understandably upset when he received this news. His paper route has been a good experience for him...a chance to learn responsibility and earn his own spending money. He's trying not to take it personally, but feels a bit like he's been fired.

It makes me sad to see more evidence of financial hard times affecting our little town. As one of my co-workers said, "It seems un-American not to have paper boys around anymore." Will I miss arranging my after school schedule and Saturday mornings to make sure Sam can get his route done? Not a bit. Will I miss having to fill in for him when he is sick or away at camp? Nope.

It's not like he paid for groceries with income from that paper route.  But it was nice for him to have a constructive daily activity that required fresh air, exercise and initiative, along with earning spending money of his own. In the future, I'm sure there will be lawns to mow and sidewalks to shovel to earn money and  practice saving and spending. 

I'm also sure he'll never forget his first big lesson on economics.

Remembering How to Relax

Once we arrived in Florida, and recovered our luggage, it was time to relax and enjoy the visit with family. Compared to the hectic pace of school days at home...not having a schedule, household jobs, or responsibilities has been a bit of a shock to my system.

My brother's family has gone out of their way to take care of us. My sister in law is an amazing cook and is feeding us well. Lounging on their patio, and hanging out in the hot tub feels heavenly. Even Oliver is doing his part to make our visit a positive experience.

Oliver is their cat. He has always hated me. Correction: he has always hated most people. Being the animal lover that I am, it's been hard to accept the idea of a pet that won't warm up to me. I've tried several times over the years, only to come to the conclusion that he's just a cranky cat. If I pass by him, he growls in warning, then darts away as if he can't stand to be in the same room with me. He has stalked me as I walked down their hall, springing from out of nowhere and whacking my ankles like I'm some sort of cat-sized prey. I've lost my dignity once or twice when I've broken into a run to avoid his attack.

I'd given up any hope of befriending this unapproachable creature, but this year, OIiver surprised us. He's about sixteen years old now, and apparently age (or senility) has mellowed him. I was breathless when he voluntarily jumped in my lap yesterday. At first I hardly dared to move, for fear his old personality would come back and he'd bat me in the head before running away. 

I guess Oliver doesn't hate us after all. I'm watching in amazement as he sleeps with my son at night, and goes from one lap to another while we watched a movie after supper. I've decided if Oliver can learn to be cuddly and nice after all these years, I can learn to give up a few of my Type-A habits and learn to relax a bit more. 

This trip has been full of pleasant surprises. I guess you can teach an old cat new tricks after all.

Travel Hassles

We never go anywhere for spring break. This is a first. Since Joe is in college and Ben is graduating, we decided that this was the year to scrape some money together and go somewhere for a family vacation. All the boys agreed that Uncle David's house was their top choice, so we made the plane reservations.

Perry knows how hard it is for me to go anywhere during spring break. Being the Type-A person that I am (make that Double A) I use days off from school to work on projects around the house, or get school work done. Stretching my comfort zone is good for me though, so as we prepared for the trip last week, I did my best to ignore the dirty floors at home and the stacks of papers at school. I was doing remarkably well until the travel hassles began, and then I began shrieking, "See! This is why we don't go anywhere on spring break!!"

Travel Hassle #1 I found out at 4:30 Friday afternoon that some new doggie vaccination was required before we could drop Buddy and Pearl at the kennel the next morning. So, I had to round up the dogs and make a frantic dash to the vet clinic. The dogs received the necessary shot and I and handed over $56.oo, mentally calculating the total cost of leaving pets at a kennel for a week. As I drove home, I mumbled, "This is why we don't go anywhere on spring break."

Travel Hassle #2 We arrived in Kansas City promptly 2 hours early for our flight, cleared security, and settled down at our boarding time, only to find out that our flight had been delayed at least an hour, creating the possibility that we'd miss our connecting flight in Atlanta. As we waited, I reminded "Perry, See, there is a reason why I don't like to go places on spring break."

Travel Hassle #3 We arrived in Atlanta with 5 minutes before our next flight departed. Racing to the next concourse, we found our gate, only to see that flight had been delayed, first 1 hour, then 2 hours.  This time, I grumbled to complete strangers sitting next to me, "This is why I don't travel on spring break!"

Travel Hassle #4 Arriving in Miami at midnight and waiting what seemed like an eternity at the baggage claim, only to realize that the thingy had stopped turning and the lights were being turned off. Our hearts sank as we realized our luggage did not make it on the plane. I resisted the urge to fling myself to the floor of the terminal and beat my fists, but I'm sure I made it clear to the Russian woman next to me in line that this is why I hardly ever travel.

Travel Hassle #5  Waiting in line another hour and a half to fill out the necessary paperwork so our lost luggage could be delivered to us when located. The airport representative kindly took down all our information and politely ignored my incoherant mumbling.  We left the airport at 1:30 AM with our complimentary overnight kits in hand and me reminding everyone within earshot that this would probably be our first and LAST spring break trip anywhere. 

Think I made my point?

Lining Up for Lunch

I must confess that I do something unusual when lining my class up for lunch. In most classrooms, the students find the friend(s) they want to sit by and line up accordingly. The thing I HATE about this is : the same kids race to the front, the same kids linger in the back, plus the same kids tend to sit by each other day after day. I hate how early cliques can form. My heart can't take seeing the kids who repeatedly get left out, so I have developed a system of lining the class up differently each day. They are forced to sit by different "friends" each day, and no one gets left out. The kids don't always like this, but they know I'm firm about not leaving anyone out of our school friendships, so each day's line order doesn't get questioned.

This takes a little extra time, I must admit. Sometimes I dismiss them by the tables where they sit, or by the individuals who are sitting the quietest. Other times I line them up according to the colors they are wearing that day. Often, I try to make a connection to something we are learning. The students have lined up alphabetically by first name, last name. They have also lined up according to how many syllables are in their name or the month of their birthday.

We have been doing a dental health unit and talking about the proper care of our teeth, including regular brushing. My main focus with the kids is getting them into a habit of brushing twice a day. I have handed out new toothbrushes and we've made reminder signs to take home and use. We have reminded each other, clapped and celebrated for the children who are starting to remember good brushing habits.

The other day I took a chance with lining up. First I called for all the kids to get in line if they remembered to brush their teeth that morning.  It surprised me to to see six kids who stayed at their tables and waited sheepishly. I was amazed because I never would have known whether they brushed that morning or not. Then I called for the students who "accidently forgot to brush, but they promise to remember tomorrow". They hopped up and happily joined the rest of the group, ready for lunch.

Their dental health habits may be a little disgusting, but the innocence and honesty of those 6 kiddos warmed my heart! 

My Little Scientists

My kids at school have been so funny during science lately. We are studying solids, liquids and gases, and there have been lots of hands-on activities. These kids are like little sponges....soaking up every thing I tell them. We have melted crayons, crumbled crackers into "particles",  and tried to freeze everything from dish soap to oil. The kids watched in fascination as I dumped ice into a hot pan. After they watched it melt, boil, then evaporate, they cheered like I invented the concept of water vapor. One little girl bounced up to me and said, "You told us so many things! Now I think my head is going to pop!"

When their mittens dried out on the rack in the hall, I've never seen so much excitement. The children buzzed around enthusiastically, showing each other how the water must have gone into the air.

We lined up for lunch today, and I reminded the kids that we needed to walk quietly in the hall. One boy struck a Steve-Martin-like pose and started to slink. "Let's be liquid!" he exclaimed to the others.

Planning new activities for science can be time consuming, messy, and even expensive at times. Weeks like this make it all worthwhile, though.